Fair Warning

Things are going to be unpredictable around here tonight as I update Six Meat Buffet with the new WordPress blog. I'm hoping to pull it off without a major catastrophe, but I'm also prepared for the worst, so there's no telling what you'll see if you happen to pop in tonight.

Fair warning, I say!

Something to keep you busy

I'm sure many of you are wondering what a Tennessee Christmas is really like. Watch this cartoon to find out.

Continued Light Blogging

Sorry for the lack of mockery & hilarity round these parts. Should have the new site up at some point tonight. Hopefully before the end of NYPD Blue, which has officially jumped the shark. Good thing it's the show's final season.

Light Blogging

Things around here are going to be sparse for a little while. The lovely Lisa has transferred me over to Wordpress, and I've got some tweaking to do - so what time I would spend blogging will be spent learning Wordpress and figuring out what the hell I'm doing over there.

In the meantime, go peruse the nice folks on my blogrolls. Well, some of them are nice, some are buttholes, but they're funny, so whatreyagonnado.

One choice post you should check out today is Jennifer's 12 Days of Christmas tribute to MoDo.

Final Voting Plea & Site Redesign

I'm neck-and-neck with both Jane's Armies of Liberation and The Right Blog. You can shoot me up and over them by going and voting before the polls close tonight. However, if you're in Missouri and in a heavily dim-o-crack urban district they may keep the polls open an extra hour or two to "count all the ballocks." For once in your miserable life, don't let me down.

UNRELATED NON-VOTE-BEGGING NOTE:

This blog is currently undergoing a brutal disemboweling thanks to Lisa at Elegant Webscapes. She's moving me to WordPress and cleaning the place up. I don't know if that means things will be wacky around here or not, but I can tell you that blogging may be light as I learn my way around WP for a few days. I'll probably be bugging the hell out of you, Johnny Walker Red, so get ready.

Go to hell, France

The French, led by their spineless, corrupt leader, Jacques "The Worm" Chirac, are seeking to outlaw "sexist and homophobic" comments. That's right, you call somebody an ass-pirate, and you're going to jail for up to a year. Then you'll find out what ass-pirate really means.

Chirac is trying to force the law into the French law books without any political lubricant whatsoever, which is causing a great deal of pain and discomfort for French lawmakers.

If the bill is passed, anyone found guilty of making such remarks, verbally or in writing, would risk a one-year prison sentence and a fine of up €45,000 (£31,000). The law, which would make penalties against homophobia and sexism stronger in France than almost any other EU nation, has been pushed very strongly by President Jacques Chirac.

It was, however, stoutly resisted by right-wing members of the President's own centre-right party, the UMP, one of whom said that he could see nothing wrong in homophobia.

The proposed law would also make it a criminal offence in France to incite hatred or violence against women or homosexuals and to discriminate against them in employment, accommodation or services.

As freedom of expression disappears in the EU - you can bet your sweet ass that the United Nations will use this type of legislation to globally police the internet - making blogs like this one a thing of the past.

This is one of the many reasons why I recommend that, as soon as we're finished in Iraq, we annihilate France. France is nothing more than a festering open sore on the anus of humanity - rest assured we'll be doing the rest of the planet a favor.

Or, if we're really lucky, the islamofascists will do it for us, since they're on the verge of taking over that worthless hell-hole anyway. It would certainly be a waste of taxpayer money to deplete our munitions reserves by flattening those bastards.

Via Fuck France.

Meeting President Junior

Right-Thinking Girl did it yesterday.

Some Iraqi bloggers did it just the other day as well. Also see Armies of Liberation, LGF, Kesher Talk.

So when does Preston Taylor Holmes get to meet the President? Well, hell, I wouldn't invite me either. I've got a bad attitude.

Moonbat roundup

Bill at INDC has posted part two of Dances With Moonbats - Moonbat Extreme!

Jeff at Beautiful Atrocities brings us another choice billboard and a national protest this Sunday - because Bush was Selected, Not Elected!

Go enjoy the moonbattery. Besides, what else are you going to do, college football season is over, so now Saturdays are back to sucking.

UPDATE:

Check out 51 Capital March's southeastern instructional page. Aside from the organizers' inability to spell Tennessee, there is a list of dos and don'ts for all the DU types that will be in attendance. It's a time like this I wish I still lived in Nashville, so that I could do my own moonbat resarch! If any of my Nashville homies have time tomorrow, go down to the capital and take some photos for me.

Crunch time

Tomorrow marks the end of voting for the 2004 Weblog Awards. Thank goodness it's almost over. Friendships have been ripped apart, feelings have been bruised, alcohol has been gobbled down like spring water. And that was all just last night at the dinner party Mrs. Holmes and I attended!

I'm flip-flopping again and urging everyone to vote for Six Meat Buffet in the Best New Blog category, as I'm trailing Jane's Armies of Liberation by a mere fraction of a percent. And after Jane's Armies were exposed, can you really bring yourself to vote for her?

It's Six Meat's last stand, so get over there and vote.

In other bloggie news, The Gleason Power Hour starring Sean Gleeson had 177 votes disqualified for reasons unknown. Reports are that Sean has recruited a host of lawyers and televangelists to help with his campaign to avenge the fallen 177. Go help him out.

43% gay

Yep, according to the Gayometer, I'm 43% gay. And I'm secure enough in my heterosexuality to admit it.

Why don't you go take the Gayometer test and find out your own percentage, smart guy?

Incidentally, 43% is also the percentage of the popular vote that President Clifford hoodwinked in the 1992 election. Coincidence? I don't think so.


Thanks to 39% E.N. for the tip

In a band? Need a name?

Yeah, it's a feelin' stupid Friday

Are you in a band?

If the answer is yes, I hope it's not this band:


Anyway, if you're tired of your band missing out on clutch cargo gigs because you're known as Apoplectic DeathBall, you need a new band name.

"But it's so hard to come up with a band name," you say. Pish posh!

Simply use this BAND NAME GENERATOR.

And while you're giving your band an extreeeeeeeeeeeeeme makeover, you may want to peruse this photo gallery to help with ideas for your new band's official press photo.

Yep, we're here to help you rocket to superstardom.

Blogger Introspection Outlawed

I am declaring blogwar on all introspective bloggers - starting with those who have entered the squared circle at BATTLE OF THE BLOGS.

Sure, I'm guilty of it too, but now that I've seen the light (thanks, Froggy), I'm comin' after the rest of you (metaphorically, of course).

Exhibit A: BamaPachyderm. I'm posting this while she's out of town so she can't defend herself.

Exhibit B: Cranky. I've already assaulted you on this one.

Exhibit C: Sharp as a Marble. You are actually allowed to quit blogging because you're blog is so visually pleasing that it's worth visiting for the design alone.

Exhibit D: Gleeson. Talking to oneself is one of the earliest signs of brutal insanity. Seek counseling.

Exhibit E: Allah. Well, he already quit, I just wanted to link to him for no reason because I'm sure he needs the traffic.

I will be adding other introspective bloggers for verbal assault as they're brought to my attention.

UPDATE:

Sean from Gleeson Industrial Polluters, Inc., points out that he was *not* talking to himself, but was hearing two voices talking to each other in his head.

While I did realize this, it was more fun to imply that he was going insane. Nuance duly noted and apology submitted.

Also posted at Battle of the Blogs

Junior and Kofi, sitting in a tree....

Can someone remind me again why the hell I voted for this guy?

The Bush Administration joined the rest of the tin-horned dictators in the United Nations yesterday in pledging support for its secretary-criminal, Kofi Annan.

NEW YORK -- The United States expressed confidence in Secretary-General Kofi Annan on Thursday and said he should remain at the helm of the United Nations, an abrupt turnaround from its refusal to back him last week after a U.S. senator called for his resignation.

The unequivocal support from U.S. Ambassador John Danforth, who said he was speaking on behalf of the Bush administration, aligned the United States with the 190 other members of the United Nations who rallied to support the beleaguered Annan.

"We are not suggesting or pushing for the resignation of the secretary-general," Danforth said. "We have worked well with him in the past and look forward to working with him for some time in the future."

Like many conservatives, I held my nose and voted for President Junior in support of the war on terror and against Lurch's vision of one-world surrender-socialist utopia. I really didn't expect the horrific stink to be so overwhelming so soon after the election.

This post has been submitted for punishment under the Commissar's iron-fisted bloody blogosphere rule.

A few quickies as the flood waters recede

Don't bring a rifle to a tank fight - Aaaarrrgggghhhh! has video of overmatched insurgent going off to meet his 72 virgins. Hope they don't mind the charred carcass.

Chad engages in truly inspiring investigative journalism.

Jeff at BA sends Maureen Dowd a Xanax-laced Christmas card. Yeah, I said Christmas, Maureen.

International House of Jawas provides this link where you can vote for Team America: World Police in the People's Choice Awards. Go vote for it. It's the funniest movie of the decade.

Michelle Malkin notes that President Junior is keeping Norman Mineta as Transportation Secretary. Junior keeps flushing the toilet, but some of those nuggets just won't go down, will they Junior?

Jen tells us that a Norwegian court has acquitted a rapist because he said he was "asleep." The judges could not "rule out the possibility". Now there's a justice system we should emulate. Government-approved sleep-raping is soon to be all the rage in Norway - right next to Neo-Nazism.

Until tomorrow...

Blogger Death Pool

No, not literally, you silly ass. This isn't freaking death metal.

American Digest, using Allah's resignation as a catalyst, is floating a Blogger Death Pool contest.

ALLAH'S HUNG IT UP, OTHERS WILL FOLLOW. WHAT TO DO? WELL, IT STOLE THIS FROM PROTEIN WISDOM'S COMMENTS SECTION AND I'M FOR IT

Three words:
Blogger Death Pool

Many of us still miss Allah's wit and wisdom, but, unfortunately for us, Allah has hung it up for good and he "ain't never coming back" according to this comments thread over at PW.

Allah explains his departure rather thoroughly in this comments thread at American Digest - read the post too, it's pretty damn insightful.

So who's it gonna be next? Allah's out. Which one of the other big dogs is going to wake up and say "fuck a bunch of blogging, I've got other shit to do!"? It will be interesting to watch and see. Or it will be really tedious. Not sure which.

12/10 UPDATE:

Chad at In The Bullpen asked a question about Johnny Walker Red in the comments section of this post, and lo and behold, his questions were answered. We can disqualify JWR from the Blogger Death Pool as he has returned.

Eurolanche

The eurolanche continues...


Will it ever end? Also, can anyone translate these comments for me?

Top 10 Politically Correct Terms of 2004

The Global Language Monitor has released it's year-end Top 10 Politically Correct Word List of 2004. The number one PC-Police thought crime: MASTER/SLAVE.

REUTERS: In computer terminology, "master/slave" refers to primary and secondary hard disk drives. But a Los Angeles county purchasing department told vendors in late 2003 that the term was offensive and violated the region's cultural diversity. The county's department of affirmative action undertook a hunt to replace it on packages.

After a public uproar, the county backed down. Payack said that while the incident took place in late 2003, debate about it grew enormously in 2004.

The Top 10:

1.Device for master and captured device for slave in computer networking terminology
2. Non-same sex marriage, for marriage used in Democratic Presidential Primaries
3. Waitron for waiter or waitress
4. Red Sox Lover for Yankee Hater during the ALCS playoffs
5. Higher Power for God
6. Progressive for classical liberal
7. Incurious rather than more impolite invectives for President Bush (such as idiot or moron)
8. Insurgents substituting for terrorists in Iraq
9. Baristas rather than waitrons
10. First year student rather than Freshman, though Frosh is still acceptable

Ever wonder what P.C. actually stands for? Persecution Complex.

Surprised this hasn't happened sooner

Gunman kills four, wounds two onstage during a live performance at Columbus, Ohio nightclub Alrosa Villa.

Two members of the heavy metal band Damageplan were reportedly shot and killed, including Dimebag Darrell, formerly with the band Pantera, the station reported. The other band member's name was not released. The alleged gunman also died at the scene, according to police.

Shortly after the band began playing its first song, a man apparently ran onto the stage and began shooting, according to a witness who identified himself as Sean. At first, some members of the audience may have thought the man running onto the stage with a gun was part of the band's act, WCMH reported.

Witnesses said that several shots were fired at the band. A bouncer at the club tackled the alleged gunman before that person was shot and killed, according to witnesses. It was unclear who shot the alleged gunman.

Having played in a variety of bands and at a variety of venues, this is not at all surprising. Even the bigger shows with decent security were extremely lax, making it easy for this kind of thing to happen.

Unfortunately, bands now have to deal with assassins as well as stage-divers. I have to believe that this shooting will have a major impact on the way club and theater-level touring bands think about the way they do business.

UPDATE:

More blogging: Say Uncle, A Small Victory, Digger's Realm, Backcountry Conservative, Outside the Beltway, Interested Participant.

"A whole family wiped out..."

This is too much. Scott Peterson's mommy asked jurors today not to fry him like so much bacon.

The money quote:

"I beg you to consider how he helped people, how he could do good," Jackie Peterson said, adding that "we mourn for Laci and Conner. And we mourn for Scott. If you kill him, it would be a whole family wiped off this earth. It would be such a waste."

Hmmmm.... a whole family wiped out? Perhaps she hasn't considered that Scott took care of wiping out 2/3 of the family himself - including her own grandson. This has to qualify as idiotic quote of the week.

It reminds me of when the Menendez boys - you remember - they shotgunned their parents in self-defense while the parents were eating ice cream and watching television?

One of the moronic jurors in that trial said that (paraphrasing) she felt so sorry for the Menendez brothers because they were now suddenly orphaned. THEY SHOT THEIR PARENTS WITH A SHOTGUN, DUMBASS!

It's no wonder the criminal justice system is in such an atrocious condition. This is probably one of the sharper jurors out there in juryland.

Welcome Eurosocialists!

Some folks over in the EU's socialist utopia have taken notice of little fretty and I've had a Eurolanche! (That's a traffic spike not quite as big as an Instalanche or a Drudgealanche, but still good nonetheless)

So welcome, all you folks visiting from Scandanavia (or close to it) at http://www.rob.nu/ and http://home-1.tiscali.nl/~kuifje/. Sorry about all that stuff I've said about the EU. (Just kidding, I meant it.)

Ever wondered what's inside a shmoo?

(via Ravishing Light)

I don't know how I stumble onto stuff like this.


There's more where that came from.

Hey America!

You're fat!


In fact, so much so, that you're breaking the seats on luxury ocean liners.

Cavernous Americans breaking chairs on the Queen Mary 2.

DOZENS of seats on the world's most luxurious cruise liner have collapsed under the weight of obese American passengers.

The chairs -- on the Queen Mary 2 -- are being replaced or repaired. The seating is mainly in the bar and restaurant areas.

"There are some things that need to be changed or replaced," said a spokesman. "For instance, there are some problems with the chairs because some of our passengers are heavier than we imagined.

"It's not an English problem, it's probably more American."

An unnamed former member of the ship's crew said: "We do have many large passengers on the QM2. Most of the passengers are American.

"And we do have 10 restaurants on the ship, so if they are big when they get on, they tend to be bigger when they get off."

Stupid intolerant Euro-skinnies!

Preston Jr. knocks one out of the park

Well, not really, but he did have his first ever CHRISTmas program this morning, which I was fortunate enough to attend. He was a bear in the "living nativity" scene. Had there actually been a bear at the birth of Christ that fateful day, things might have turned out much worse, but thankfully some artistic liberties were allowed for this particular reenactment.

Yep, I'm always a proud papa, but even more so this morning.

Bloggie endorsements

Everyone else is doing it, and yes, I always cave to peer pressure. I'll try to keep it brief. I'll only mention the contests in which I'm voting - if I don't know any of the blogs, why should I vote in that category, and who the hell would notice or care? I guess I could wait for one of those dim-o-crack buses to come around and drive me to the polls and tell me which buttons to mash, but I keep looking and they never show up.

Best Overall: LGF (I was visiting LGF before I realized it was a blog. However, I'm still waiting for a t-shirt, which I ordered 6 freakin' months ago!)
Best New Blog: INDC Journal (I would vote for Rusty cuz he's my true favorite, but he says not to, so I have to go with INDC to try and defeat Kerry Spot, which is really BIG MEDIA and not a blog. Plus, I've been an INDC fan since before I started my stupid blog, so it's a genuine vote. I am also smitten with Beth & Jane, and I'm still surprised to even be in the contest...)
Best Group Blog: The Command Post
Best Humor Blog: Beautiful Atrocities (Protein Wisdom and Iowahawk are both brilliant as well, but B.A. qualifies as modern art)
Best Liberal Blog: South Knox Bubba (Cuz he's local and at least we agree on Vol football and the 2nd Amendment)
Best Conservative Blog: La Shawn Barber
Best Election Coverage: The Corner (Since I can't vote for my own drunken election night live-blogging)
Best Journalist Blog: Michelle Malkin (She's far and away the best. What the hell is Keith Olbermann doing in this one?)
Best Culture Blog: Llama Bitches
Best Sports Blog: Fanblogs
Best Military Blog: Froggy (With Blogs of War a close second)
Best Online Community: Fark (Because they've caused me to lose control of my bladder from laughter)
Best Blog Design: I'm alternating my daily votes between Just a Girl and Demure Thoughts
Best Essayist: VDH
Best Latino/Carib/South American Blog: In Search of Utopia (Cuz David is only 75% moonbat and is a pretty cool guy. He didn't pay me, I swear.)
Best of the 100s: Ace (Cuz he slices like a f**king hammer)
Best of the 100-250s: In the Bullpen
Best of the 250-500s: Digger
Best of the 500-1000s: Maybe I Think Too Much
Best of the 1000-1750s: Cranky Neocon (I couldn't decide between Cranky, Gleeson and Sharpy, so since Cranky was bringing up the rear I thought I'd help him out)
Best of the 1750-2500s: South End Grounds

Linkwhoring is hard work. Now go over there and vote exactly as I've dictated. Or Die! Or whatever. And whatever you do, don't go and visit this battling blogs blog.

Pearl Harbor Day

2,400 Americans were killed on this date in 1941, in what is now the second-worst attack in our nation's history.

National Geographic has an excellent memorial website here (via Jeff Quinton).

Other folks remembering Pearl Harbor today:

Michelle Malkin
Solomonia
The MUSC Tiger
Froggy
The Commissar
Say Anything

Is our food supply safe?

Or is this just another moronic comment from another of President Junior's ship-jumpers?

When announcing his resignation last week, Thompson spake thusly:

"For the life of me, I cannot understand why the terrorists have not attacked our food supply because it is so easy to do," Thompson said.

"We are importing a lot of food from the Middle East, and it would be easy to tamper with that."

Thankfully, someone as quick-witted as Borowitz was paying attention. He has some follow-up from Thompson's statement that you may have missed.

"It's one thing to say that contaminating the nation's food supply is easy to do and another thing to explain exactly how to do it," Mr. Thompson said.

In order to help terrorists learn precisely how to taint America's food supply, Mr. Thompson said, helpful food-contamination tips would be posted online at the Health and Human Services website.

"Any terrorist madman wanting to contaminate our food supply just needs to click on over to www.hhs.gov/foodcontaminationtips," Mr. Thompson said.

But within hours of Mr. Thompson's speech, international terror mastermind Osama bin Laden issued a new tape complaining that he had tried to click on the food-contamination link and had been directed to a page reading "Under Construction."

Mr. Thompson immediately apologized to the international terror community for the non-functioning food-contamination web page.

"Getting a new web page up on the Internet is not an easy thing to do," Mr. Thompson said. "It's certainly not as easy as attacking the nation's food supply."

Elsewhere, retailer Toys 'R' Us reported lower-than-expected numbers for the holiday season thus far, blaming disappointing sales of "Blow It Out Your Ass Elmo".

Racism finally approved by Tennessee State University

All 12 finalists for the open position of President at Tennessee State University are black, thereby setting a new precedent of approved exclusion nationwide.

The 11 people still vying to become president of Tennessee State University have at least one thing in common: They're all African-Americans.

That may not be surprising. TSU is a historically black school where three-fourths of the students are black. And Tennessee Board of Regents officials say it would be tough for a white man or woman to lead TSU, which has more than 90 years of history and culture as a predominantly black institution — the only public one in the state.

So, let me get this straight. Why do so many universities with overwhelmingly lily-white student-bodies wind up with minority presidents? Surely they're not fit to lead either, by this logic.

"The most important thing about a leader is they have somebody who follows them," said Charles Manning, chancellor of the Board of Regents system. "It would be very unusual to find a white individual who would be able to do that (at TSU)."

Is that because of an inherent student-body bias against whitey? I guess I'm confused. Oh, wait, it's revenge for those three cracker-ass crackers who were the finalists at UT-Knoxville. That makes it acceptable.

Of the 47 candidates for the UT presidency last spring, 43 were white, two were African-American and two were Asian, according to search records. There were six women in the group.

The three finalists for the job were all white men, which angered George Barrett, a Nashville civil rights attorney who has been pushing UT to look more closely at talented black candidates. One African-American, Kenneth Olden, a Cocke County native and director of the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences, was among the top six candidates for the presidency.

Asked about the TSU situation, Barrett would say only, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander."

Luckily for TSU, the Old Media considers an all-black final dozen "diversity-rich," so all is still well in the world of academia.

On a related note, Theresa Heinz-Kerry, another prominent African-American, did not put in an application for the position, and was consequently not considered for the job.

It's a damn conspiracy, I tell you

Battle of the Blogs

What the hell is wrong with people?

Woman runs down two teens who accidentally hit her SUV while bouncing a golf ball.

A WOMAN ran over two teenage brothers after they accidentally hit her sport utility vehicle with the golf ball they were bouncing in a parking lot, officials said, leaving one of the boys with life-threatening injuries.

Isiah Grayer, 14, and his 16-year-old twin stepbrothers, Justin and Jamel Marshman, were bouncing the golf ball in a shopping center parking lot Sunday afternoon when it went astray and struck a sport utility vehicle driven by Kathy Feaganes Allen, 47, St. Johns County sheriff's Deputy Greg Suchy said.

Suchy said no damage was done, and the boys apologised and began to walk away. Allen started to drive away, but suddenly made a U-turn, ran over a median and struck Grayer, causing severe injuries, and Justin Marshman before knocking over a light pole, Suchy said.

She then drove after Jamel Marshman, crossing two medians and striking a utility box before her SUV stopped in a ditch, Suchy said. The boy ran away and was not struck.

Witness Russell McPhee said Allen accelerated to hit the boys.

"She charged them," he said. "This was the most deliberate act."

McPhee said he yelled at Allen to stay where she was when she got out of her car.

"After she ran them down, she got out of the car and lit a cigarette like a movie star," he said. "She watched all three of (the boys) just lying there."

Somebody needs to cave her skull in with a 9-iron.

Origami peace birds spark rioting

(via Rusty)

Violence erupts in Thailand after airdrop of paper "peace birds".

BANGKOK (Reuters) - Fresh violence flared in mainly Muslim southern Thailand on Monday, only hours after the Air Force dropped an estimated 100 million origami "peace birds" to quell unrest which has claimed nearly 500 lives. Police said a bomb exploded at an intersection near a market in the southern province of Narathiwat on Monday morning, injuring at least one soldier.

Overnight, the home of a teacher in the same province, one of three near the Malaysian border plagued by violence, was burned to the ground. In neighboring Yala, a school building was slightly damaged by fire, although nobody was injured, officials said.

On Sunday, while a fleet of around 50 Thai Air Force planes "bombed" the largely Muslim region with paper birds as a symbol of peace, two gunmen shot dead a former prosecutor at Pattani province, police said.

The bird campaign, launched by Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra weeks ahead of a general election, caught the imagination of the predominantly Buddhist country, even in Bangkok where sympathy for the Malay-speaking south is limited.

Everyone from cabinet ministers to cab drivers huddled in groups to fold birds -- they were meant to be doves, a symbol of peace, but most turned out to look more like cranes -- after Thaksin called on all 63 million Thais to make one.

Probably the biggest origami airdrop in history was meant to sow peace, harmony and goodwill in the region, where an insurgency began in January with a raid on an army camp in which 300 assault rifles were stolen.

Everyone knows you don't drop peace birds on muslims! That only makes them more angry. Just like when Sherriff Bart tried to take his six-shooter to confront Mongo.

What they should have done was drop copies of Murray Head's One Night in Bangkok on vinyl, since cassette technology is still probably a few years away for southern Thailand.

UPDATE:

I really thought the combination of a Murray Head/Blazing Saddles reference would get at least some pop. You people are hard to please.

I've got the solution! More government intervention!

Just another in the long list of reasons to despise John McCain. First he tries to stomp the right to free speech with McCain-Feingold.

Now the maniacal legislator wants government interference in Major League Baseball.

As MLB is not yet government-owned, it's none of the government's business what the hell goes on. On the other hand, if McCain spends his energies reforming baseball, which I don't watch anyway, that will keep him from puking up shitty legislation on other, more important issues. So, as you can see, I'm conflicted.

"I will introduce legislation in January that requires some kind of regimen for testing of Major League baseball players. And I believe that we can pass it through the Congress of the United States," Senator John McCain told the "Fox News Sunday" television program.

McCain said he will await the outcome of that meeting this week of the Major League baseball players' union before making any moves.

"I hate for us to interfere with it," said McCain who, as chairman of the Senate's Commerce Committee, heads the congressional authority with oversight over professional sports.

But he added: "Antitrust exemption was granted by Congress to organize baseball, and also it's got to do with interstate commerce. So we do have a role to play."

"We need to have at least a regimen for testing that they impose in minor leagues in baseball. I'd like to see all professional sports have the same standards as the Olympics have for Olympic athletes," he added.

McCain hates to interfere with baseball (heh), but as every single thing that occurs in America can neatly fit under the umbrella of interstate commerce via situational application, it's his duty as overreaching legislator to attempt to control all facets of society.

Jeff at BA says suspend Bonds and Giambi for an entire season. However, since Commissioner Bud Selig is taking the high hard one from the player's union, don't expect any actual fallout from the controversy.

(h/t Say Anything)

U.S. Consulate attacked in Saudi Arabia

Gunmen have raided the U.S. Consulate in Jidda, Saudi Arabia and taken 18 staff members hostage.

Four Saudi guards were also killed and 18 members of the consulate's local staff were taken hostage, Reuters quoted security officials as saying.

Television footage broadcast by Arab channels showed plumes of smoke rising from the building located in the Red Sea city. The attack took place at 11 a.m., the ministry said in the statement, which was put out by the government Saudi Press Agency.

"It is still an ongoing situation as far as we know," said a State Department spokesman, Noel Clay, in a telephone interview from Washington hours after the attack. "But there are no reports of American casualties or American hostages. All the Americans have been accounted for and are safe."

It looks like this situation doesn't involve any American hostages. Four Saudi guards and one attacker were killed, while two attackers were captured, according to this report. Some reports say the situation is "ongoing" while others say that the Saudis have it under control.

Robert Spencer has a little more on the Saudi reaction, including this AP article which refers to the islamofascists as merely a "stray bunch". Is that because the attackers weren't government-approved islamofascists? Spencer also points out that some of these jihadists aren't even asking their parents' permission before carrying out their fatwas!

Sunday night roundup

I'm breaking the Fourth Blog Commandment, but so what? Who the hell does Rusty think he is? Moses?

The cheating continues in the Bloggies. Even the Daily Kock is getting in on the cheating. Hell, the damn liberals can't help but cheat - even when it's something as innocuous as the bloggies. Cheating is in their blood - consequence-free dishonesty is their birthright.

All the while, Jane continues to attack me personally, repeatedly hurting my feelings. So much so, that I believe I've developed PEST Syndrome.

In more serious news, Chad at ITB has the story of two French islamofascists who died (thankfully) recently in Iraq fighting for the insurgency. I can't say that the death of two islamist frogs breaks my heart, but Chad adds that Europe is not only becoming over-run with islamic middle-easterners, but it's fast becoming a breeding ground for converting disaffected youth into jihadists.

Jeff brings us a public safety message. Stay alert. Open window alert code is currently turquoise.

(Via Cranky Neocon) Slaglerock has a very good idea on how you can help support the troops. However, the deadline is Dec. 17. All it really entails, is to write a letter of support and thanks. Per Slaglerock:

So here is what we need to do. Bloggers, I urge each and every one of you to write your own letter to the troops overseas. Make it a general open letter to any Soldier, Sailor, Airman or Marine. Keep in mind that the people reading this letters will be both male and female of all ages, ethnic origins and religions. Once your letter is posted, please trackback to this post so that I may find and print your letter. Please direct your readers to this effort as well. Non-bloggers, please leave your open letter of support in the comment section of this post. While it is possible for you to email me your letters, I'd like to see them in the comments so that troops overseas can access and read them online.

Our deadline for this endeavor will be the 17th of December. That will give me the time necessary to print all of the letters and have them ready to go. I will also be printing a sheet with the URL's of all bloggers who participate.

I'll be joining in, and with all the anti-American vomit that our fighting men and women are undoubtedly hearing from the Old Media, I'm sure they'll appreciate hearing from those of us who truly appreciate their sacrifices.

Last but not least, I'm going to have fashion nightmares tonight thanks to Jennifer.

SEC Championship Game - liveblogging

Since I'll be out of touch for the rest of the weekend and won't be able to ACTUALLY liveblog the SEC Championship game for fellow Vol fans, I'll go ahead and do it in advance.

Touchdown Auburn!

Touchdown Auburn!

Touchdown Auburn!

Touchdown Auburn!

Touchdown Auburn!

Touchdown Auburn!

Touchdown Tennessee!

Safety Auburn! (Don't ask me how, I don't know)

Field Goal Tennessee!

Touchdown Auburn!

Personal Foul Tennessee! Player sent to Fulton County Jail for assault.

Is this pessimism or realism? Tune in to CBS tonight to find out!

Speaking of groups that are off limits

Apparently, you're not supposed to speak ill will of the Hmongs either, under penalty of getting shot in the back on your own property.

Say Uncle has been all over the Hmong hunter shooting in Wisconsin since it broke. Along the way, he also linked to Reasonable Nut, which did some rather humorous and pointed analysis of the the media coverage of murderous Hmong Chai Soua Vang's rampage.

Shortly thereafter, a very angry pro-Hmong blog appeared. The only purpose for this blog's existence appeared to be to attack Reasonable Nut - even offering up a not-so-veiled death threat. As Say Uncle so deftly put it, "You know you've arrived in the blogosphere when you have a blog, and then someone creates a blog that is one big death threat to you."

So I guess I shouldn't mention all the stories my friend Leo Oshkosh (who grew up in Wisconsin and was well acquanted with the Hmongs) told me about how the Hmongs used to wear diapers at the Indian casinos so that they wouldn't lose their slot machines. That was one of the more flattering stories he imparted to me.

Speaking of casinos, that may explain those nauseating odors I always smell when I'm fornicating with lady luck down in Tunica.

Layin' the smack down on the Religion of Peace™

Macktastic Rusty Wicked has been layin' it down this week on the Religion of Peace™.

After enduring threatening e-mails - primarily from the socialist utopia of Europe - Wicked said, bring it on, bitches! Some choice quotes:

An Imam and Kofi Annan walk down the street and see a little boy. The Imam says "lets screw him" and Annan says "out of what?"

Q: What did Muhammed's navy and camels have in common?
A: They're both full of Mujahadin seamen

Oh, there's more. A few folks finally brought it on, but their hate mail wasn't very well-written or effective. Islamofascists are notoriously bad communicators. They spend too much time in jihad class and not enough working on basic reading and writing skills. Their "three Rs" are ramadan, rape and ruin.

Then Macktastic shared the story of yet another California-bred jihadist who says that among other crucial life-lessons, muhammad taught him how to take a dump. Well, besides slaughter and pedophilia, that's one of the only endeavors at which he excelled, so why not?

And to top it off, he reminded us that al jizziera is actually a tool of the Zionists. I guess that explains all the jew-killing propaganda they spew. It's reverse psychology, you know.

Just a few more reasons why I'm a mark for the Jawas.

Charges of voting irregularities erupt in Bloggie Awards

Un-named and possibly imaginary sources have tipped me off to possible voter fraud as Jane's Armies of Liberation continues to rack up votes at an alarming - and possibly controversial rate - daring to pass Six Meat Buffet in the balloting for Best New Blog of 2004.

David Boies and Warren Christopher have been sent to Wizbang headquarters to investigate this possible vote corruption.

DEVELOPING HARD...

Moonbat Research

Bill at INDC has resumed his moonbat research. If you want an up-close and personal look at this mysterious creature, you owe it to yourself to go and read his exhaustive report on the not-so-elusive moonbat.

When I first started my blog-reading addiction, it was INDC's moonbat research that got me hooked. Don't miss out.

Friday Football

The college football coaching carousel is getting even more interesting.

GATORS

Reports are out this morning that Utah coach and hot commodity Urban Meyer will be the new head coach at Florida. I just heard this news on Tony Basilio's sports talk show (ESPN 1180 in Knoxville - 100 watts of power!) and this CBS report seems to back up the story.

IRISH

This also means that Meyer doesn't believe that Notre Dame is serious about football just yet. My good friend Scott Bowden says that it was Ty Willingham's time to go - despite the fact that most of the media are crying in their soup over his firing.

Incidentally, Bowden's latest column analyzes how Paul Heyman took 70's and early-80's Memphis-style wrestling and recreated it as ECW in Philadelphia with great success, thereby changing the face of the "sport". If you're into the sport of kings, you should check out his column religiously.

Where will Willingham wind up? Well, if you can't recruit at Notre Dame (even with their higher-than-average academic standards), you're not going to have a whole lot of luck many other places. It may be time for round 2 at Stanford for Ty.

REBELS

Who knows why Ole Miss dumped Cutcliffe. Scuttlebutt is that "Coach Cut" didn't kiss the asses of the big money people down in Oxford. The sad reality of the college game is that the big donors are often the decision makers in the sport, serving as puppeteers for the Athletic Directors. Cutcliffe gave the Rebels the best football that place has seen since the 1960s. Looks like they'll be going back to the scrapheap of lower-level mediocrity, which is fine with me, because the SEC needs more doormats.

VOLS

So what does that mean for my beloved Big Orange? Bad news all the way around.

Let's look at just the SEC East:

• South Carolina: Spurrier
• Florida: Meyer
• Georgia: Richt
• Vandy & Kentucky: It doesn't matter - they'll suck forever.

So, right there we have three coaches that will beat the Great Pumpkin 5 out of 6 times, simply by virtue of bringing better gameplans to the table. Our recruiting base continues to shrink as Spurrier takes back S.C.

And I'm not even touching the SEC West with Nick Sabin, Tuberville and Shula (who may very well get it done eventually at Bama).

What will the Great Pumpkin do in response, besides let more arrested players off the hook and head to the Western Sizzlin' buffet? I guess we'll have to wait and see, but we may be in for a long decade, Vol fans.

The RamaHanuKwanzMas Store is open

Over at Glenn Beck's place. Oh, you haven't heard of RamaHanuKwanzMas? It's the new Government Sanctioned™ Non-Offensive Winter Holiday guaranteed not to offend anyone but the Wiccans. They're not a big enough constituency to matter.


Start stocking up on these items for your kids, so they'll be prepared for the holidays at their Government Schools™. You may also want to send them to a Government Approved™ counseling center if they use words like "Baby Jesus" or "Christmas" or "Christ".

UPDATE:

The MUSC Tiger is already on the RamaHanuKwanzMas case. Speaking of the Tiger, after perusing their photo gallery, they had to be swiftly moved to the Six Meat Crushes blogroll. What an oversight! This doesn't, however, mean that I'm over the ass-whoopin' that Clemson gave my beloved Vols last year in the damn Peach Bowl.

Steve the Llamabutcher doesn't know what to buy for his better half for RamaHanuKwanzMas. Go help him out.

UPDATE UPDATE:

I have moved the MUSC Tiger back to their appropriate place in the Six Meat Blogroll. Jeremy informed me that the lovely lass in the gallery is merely their "inspiration," whatever that may entail. Still, those pictures..... .... .... ......

I'm shocked! Now you really can vote for me!

By some divine intervention or catastrophic drunken error, Six Meat Buffet has made the cut in the 2004 Weblog Awards. I figure they must have just put all the candidates in a hat and I got lucky.

Anyway, I made the list of candidates for "Best New Blog". You can go vote for me here: http://2004weblogawards.com/archives/000078.php.

Also, don't forget to go to the main voting page to vote for all your favorites in all the other categories.

That is, unless you like one of the other candidates more, which is entirely possible. I'm just pleased as punch to be mentioned in the same company as Rusty, Bill, Jane, the Kerry Spot and that wiggety-whack Barking Moonbat.

Now, don't go out there and stuff the ballot box like David from ISOU. One or two votes will do - just vote like a good dim-o-crack and you'll help me out. I think the winner gets a complimentary slap across the face and a shoe in the nuts (depending on the blogger's gender, of course), but I'm not sure.

Those damn LLamabutchers

The Llamabutchers were so smitten with Little Fretty that they've challenged their throngs of followers to a Photoshop contest.

Photoshopping was the first thing I thought of when I saw that hot rock slut with Little Fretty as well, but the only ideas I could come up with were gratuitously sexual and offensive, so it's probably better that folks with greater restraint take the lead.

Some nice entries so far: Kin's Kouch, Cowboy Blob.

And for all you guitar players who take those breaks in the office shredding away on Little Fretty, you may want to get in touch with your bluegrass side and take a gander at the Twanger.

What's the big freakin' deal?

In case you've been sitting in your basement playing Dungeons & Dragons all week, you're probably not aware that the Supreme Court heard arguments regarding the use of medical marijuana on Monday.

Like many SCOTUS cases, the answer in this one should be simple, leave it up to the states. Unlike many cases that make it up the chain of litigation, this appears to be a good case from the standpoint of real-world application. In brief, the specifics of the case are as follows:

Angel Raich was confined to a wheelchair and unable to even hug her daughter when a nurse mentioned a medication that she had never considered. Raich, who suffers from multiple debilitating conditions, including an inoperable brain tumor, scoliosis and fibromyalgia, had tried 30 medicines, none of which had helped alleviate her pain.

Raich, 39, who calls herself a proper conservative mom, had never smoked marijuana in her life, and was taken aback at the nurse's suggestion that she try medical cannabis. But nothing else was working, so Raich finally relented and tried it. Raich can now walk, hold down food and play with her family. She credits the medicine with saving her life.

Whether or not it can be medically proven that marijuana is what has actually lessened Raich's pain, I don't know. However, when the results are this beneficial, how can any "humane" person object?

I don't know whether or not this will come as a shock to you socially conservative moralists out there, but I sure as hell don't have a problem with it.

Taken a step further, Froggy has an excellent post that brings together every-day common sense and his own experience in customs to a "legalize it" conclusion. He's not simply parroting the Libertarian view of legalize everything, but he makes a great case for taking pot out of the mix, which will likely result in positive steps in the war on drugs.

Cranky has some thoughts on it as well.

Let the states decide whether or not to decriminalize and keep the damn Feds out of it.

America... Fuck Yeah!

Pardon my french...

(via Ace)

First of all, if you haven't seen Team America: World Police, you are stupid. Go see it now, dumb ass.

Next, someone has taken the Team America theme (which is gut-splittingly hilarious) and put together a shockwave MONTAGE! to the music and it's brilliant. It is not safe for work, however. Watch it at your peril.

Everybody has AIDS

Because it's World AIDS Day. Didn't you know that?

In honor of World AIDS Day, we're offering some health tips on how NOT to get AIDS. We do a lot of public service work here at Six Meat Buffet, and nothing is more important than AIDS, because everybody has AIDS. I know what you're thinking, "Magic Johnson got it and he's fine and dandy." Well, slap that notion right out of your head.

The only surefire way not to catch AIDS these days is to avoid the exchange of bodily fluids and the sharing of smack needles with others.

If you've got to shoot up, go buy you some fresh needles and quit sharing with Tito the junkie down the street.

If you've got to get it on with your boyfriend or girlfriend or bathhouse stranger or gloryhole protrusion, use a condom. Disclaimer: This only reduces your risk, it doesn't mean you're 100% protected.

If you're married and you and your spouse are monogamous, you're not going to get AIDS. It's that simple.

In the year 2004, AIDS is a purely behavior-related disease. Avoid risky behavior and you're good to go. I'm sure I'll get raked over the coals for making such a radical statement, but that's simple medical fact, not value judgment. Hey, I just solved the AIDS crisis and I didn't need billions of dollars!

Tis the season... for slaughtering infidels!

Perhaps some of you have seen the new USPS stamp that celebrates islam. I suppose it's aimed at all those moderate muslims who are so hard to find these days. (in their defense, allah calls moderate muslims infidels as well, so they're probably just trying to avoid slaughter themselves)

I don't know if it's better or worse than the Kwanzaa stamp that celebrates that imaginary "holiday".

To their credit, at least the folks who celebrate Kwanzaa don't spend their holidays planning and performing the slaughter of infidels. (FYI, those of you who get christmas cards from the Holmes family, they may arrive with a Kwanzaa stamp. If so, you win a prize. The prize? Diversity! The postal worker always gives me strange looks when I buy those every year.)

Back to the islamic stamp. I took the liberty of going to my local mosque to get the stamp translated. I was curious about what all those squiggly lines actually said. My local imam was happy to help as his beheadings schedule was light that day.

"At this special time of year, we pledge to take a short break from killing all of you. It is a special season where we hope you will forget all our bombings, hijackings, beheadings, mass slaughter and killing of children in school seiges. We hope you'll set aside that we're currently executing a global jihad bent on sending western civilization back to the dark ages, and enslaving you all in islamic theocracy. Thank you for your willingness to allow us unfettered access to your legal system so that we may utilize your politically correct 'civil rights' infrastructure to cloak our organization and planning. Happy holidays."

Thank goodness. I was worried that the stamp might have held a message of intolerance instead of peace. Tis the season!

(Hat-tip: The Wily Canuck)

UPDATE:

I've been notified that my criticism of government-dictated winter diversity stampage will not be looked upon kindly by the Commissar.