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11/02/2004

Pseudo-Live-Blogging

12:08 AM UPDATE

This little brownshirt is putting on his footie pajamas and hitting the sack. I can't take no more, I say. There better be a damned president when I wake up and it better be W.

12:00 AM UPDATE

The much heralded youth vote didn't show up today. Michelle Malkin says that P-Diddy is going to have to put down his crack pipe long enough to eat some bling-bling pie. (Paraphrasing)

In other news Yahoo is calling Florida for Bush. They must have been waiting on JWR.

11:50 UPDATE

I'm succumbing to exhaustion and boredom.

11:37 UPDATE

I'm continuing my discussion with Johnny Walker Red. He is officially calling Florida for Bush.

In reaction to the news that John Thune has slightly overtaken Tom Daschle, JWR says that Daschle is about to "eat a big pipin' hot steamin' shit hoagie". Eat it up, Tommy.

11:30 UPDATE

I need some news to break. I'm starting to fade over here. I need some more of those chocolate bunnies.

Fox is talking about Bush having Florida, but they're not calling it. 95% of precincts in is not enough.

Bush also leads in Ohio with 61% of precincts in. This is taking way too long - I don't know if I can hold out.

11:11 UPDATE

Looks like Bush has picked up Arizona, Idaho, Montana, Arkansas, North & South Dakota. Kerry has stolen Pennsylvania, Washington, California (shocker!) and leads in Minnesota and Michigan. Current tally:

ELECTRICAL COLLEGE
Kerry 188
Bush 209

10:57 UPDATE

Now that I've refilled my glass and relocated to the "office," I've had a chance to browse around a bit more and visit other folks that are hard at work liveblogging.

Other folks in the hunt and in the mix: Chad at In The Bullpen, Blogs of War is checking out the DU'ers, Backcountry Conservative, the lovely LaShawn Barber, Dizzy Girl.

MORE GOOD NEWS: Richard Burr has defeated Irksome Bowles in the North Carolina Senate race to replace the ambulance chaser John Boy Edwards.

10:40 UPDATE

In many married households - the straight ones, not the gay ones (which, by the way, are taking a savage beating tonight all across the fruited plain) - the husband and wife often cancel each other out. In our house, we disagree over our opinion of the average American voter.

Mrs. Holmes is incredulous that anyone could actually consider Lurch a viable candidate. She finds him so offensive that she can't believe anyone would actually consider voting for the bastard.

Conversely, I am so certain that the average American voter is a blithering idiot, bent on voting themselves more money from the public till, that I'm surprised Bush is even in the race. I guess we're just too nuanced to ever get along.

10:15 UPDATE

Barack Obama's wife just introduced her husband as "her baby daddy". Have we really sunk this low as a culture?

BUSHIES THINK THEY KEEP NEW HAMPSHIRE

10:00 UPDATE

Looks like Lurch has Pennsylvania. No surprise there - bunch of wastes of space up there, really. Early returns in New Mexico, Wisconsin, Minnesota and Michigan are promising.

New Mexico Governor and former Clintonista Bill Richardson took time out from selling national secrets to the Chinese to talk to Brit Hume. "We've registered enough illegal Mexican and Indian voters to assure a Kerry victory, despite Bush's early lead," Richardson said.
9:50 UPDATE

I just had to head over and see what kind of idiocy Dan Rather was spewing. Sure enough, just as I flipped over to CBS, Rather says "It's comin' along like Ray Charles". Does he know that Ray passed away not too long ago?

More of tonight's Rather idiocy here: RatherBiased.Com.
9:40 UPDATE

JWR just told me that the Commissar is liveblogging and even has a chatroom. Now you know that's gotta be sexy.

9:35 UPDATE

Nader! Nader! Nader! Ralph is on Fox. He's saying things like living wage, health care for all, Enron, WorldCom, Chevrolet Corvair. No matter who wins tonight, corporate America is the real winner, thanks to the business media, Nader said. He kind of has a point there.

9:30 UPDATE

NRO's The Corner is a great source of info - Bush is stealing Gore counties in Florida - er - not stealing, um, winning. Whoops. That'll get me in trouble with the moonbats.

9:12 UPDATE

I've gone back to Fox so that my blood pressure would go down a bit. Mrs. Holmes would like me to stop discussing pictures of her in the shower, so I won't mention it again in this post.

Neil Cavuto was just discussing how the market was going through the roof early in the day, until it appeared that Kerry had a lead. At that point, the market went in the shitter as the prospect of "President Kerry" became closer to a reality.

Having a lively expletive-laden discussion with Johnny Walker Red - we agree that Brit Hume oozes class. In contrast, Dan Rather, oozes intellectual pus.
9:05 UPDATE

New states being called for Junior: Kansas, Wyoming, Texas, and a few others. Kerry gets the losers in New York, Rhode Island and France.

8:55 UPDATE

Rusty has now mocked me for my ignorance of pornblogging. After enjoying Rusty's clever wordplay, however, I've finally figured it out. Hey, I'm still a newbie. That's no reason to hurt my feelings. Mrs. Holmes held me while I gently wept as a result of Rusty's abusive comments.

Where do the Electrical College be right now?
ELECTRICAL COLLEGE
Kerry 77
Bush 102

I've switched over to MSNBC and Chris Matthews is such a bitch. I want to win this just to watch him cry, that ignorant shitfaced talking-head media whore.

Andrea Mitchell looks like someone mistook her face for someone's lawn and used an aerator on it. Joe Scarborough is looking at Matthews with pure contempt, and justifiably so.

With 1% of the results in down in Texas, Bush leads 99% to 1%. Race is too close to call.
8:45 UPDATE

The Jawa Report is live election/porn blogging. I don't know what that means, but I like the sound of it, and I'll be back frequently to find out.

8:30 UPDATE

Well, Fox just called Virginia and North Carolina for President Junior. Mrs. Holmes just noticed that some infobabe used the term "President Kerry". This irritated her to no end.

Well, this seems like as good a time as any to try out this new wireless laptop and sit in the living room in the warming glow of television's warming glow. Currently:

ELECTRICAL COLLEGE
Kerry 77
Bush 74

Mercy me, me so scared. I am a little surprised that Junior didn't do better in Jersey, but I never really expected him to win it.

posted by Preston @ Tuesday, November 02, 2004