Osama bin Laden is full of shit

By now, I'm sure everyone has seen Osama's new rock video - produced by MTV in conjunction with Al Jizziera - and it's fairly obvious that he's been busy reading the Arabic-translated versions of Atrios and Daily Kos. Drudge has a transcript:

OBL: You American people, my speech to you is the best way to avoid another conflict about the war and its reasons and results. I am telling you security is an important pillar of human life. And free people don't let go of their security contrary to Bush's claims that we hate freedom. He should tell us why we didn't hit Sweden for instance.

I wish they would have hit Sweden. What a bunch of bastards they are.

But we fought you because we are free people, we don't sleep on our oppression. We want to regain the freedom of our Muslim nation as you spill our security, we spill your security.

When I think of personal freedom, the first thing that comes to mind for me is a muslim theocracy. Take a gander over yonder at the freedom women in Saudi Arabia and Qatar have - they're allowed to remove their burkas for a whole 15 minutes a day!

Thankfully, Osama, the camel fucker, is willing to share with us the reasons why we should be slaughtered.

I will be honest with you on the moment when the decision was taken to understand. We never thought of hitting the towers. But after we were so fed up, and we saw the oppression of the American Israeli coalition on our people in Palestine and Lebanon, it came to my mind and the incidents that really touched me directly goes back to 1982 and the following incidents. When the US permitted the Israelis to invade Lebanon with the assistance of the 6th fleet. In these hard moments, it occurred to me so many meanings I cant explain but it resulted in a general feeling of rejecting oppression and gave me a hard determination to punish the oppressors. While I was looking at the destroyed towers in Lebanon, it came to my mind to punish the oppressor the same way and destroy towers in the US to get a taste of what they tasted, and quit killing our children and women.

Yes, those damned Jews had the nerve to defend themselves against attacks from failed arab nation after failed arab nation. In every instance, those filthy Jews kicked ass and showed great restraint in not annihilating the whole of Egypt, Syria and Jordan - not to mention Iraq during the first Gulf War.

But I digress, Osama was busy scolding me for oppressing the poor Palestinians.

OBL: We didn't find difficulty dealing with Bush and his administration due to the similarity of his regime and the regims in our countries. Whish half of them are ruled by military and the other half by sons of kings and presidents and our experience with them is long. Both parties are arrogant and stubborn and the greediness and taking money without right and that similarity appeared during the visits of Bush to the region while people from our side were impressed by the US and hoped that these visits would influence our countries. Here he is being influenced by these regimes, Royal and military. And was feeling jealous they were staying for decades in power stealing the nations finances without anybody overseeing them. So he transferred the oppression of freedom and tyranny to his son and they call it th e Patriot Law to fight terrorism. He was bright in putting his sons as governors in states and he didn't forget to transfer his experience from the rulers of our region to Florida to falsify elections to benefit from it in critical times.

Osama is regurgitating the DNC's conspiracy theories, just in time for the election. Well done! I can just picture Osama sitting in a puddle of his own filth, in his dirty nightshirt, watching Fahrenheit 9/11 over and over and over again on his Betamax.

OBL: We agreed with Mohamed Atta, god bless him, to execute the whole operation in 20 minutes. Before Bush and his administration would pay attention and we never thought that the high commander of the US armies would leave 50 thousand of his citizens in both towers to face the horrors by themselves when they most needed him because it seemed to distract his attention from listening to the girl telling him about her goat butting was more important than paying attention to airplanes butting the towers which gave us three times the time to execute the operation thank god.

He really has been watching Fahrenheit 9/11 over and over! I knew Michael Moore was aiding and abetting the enemy, but this is approaching collusion! Johnny Walker Red has an outstanding post today regarding Michael bin Moore - he is also incredulous at bin Laden's lack of creativity and use of DNC talking points in his latest video.

So how can we avoid more attacks from the likes of Bin Laden?

OBL: Your security is not in the hands of Kerry or Bush or Al Qaeda. Your security is in your hands. Each state that doenst mess with our security has automatically secured their security.

So, if we bend over and take it long and hard like the cowards in Spain, everything will be alright. Luckily, Osama, that's not how we operate, and you're time will come. In the meantime, the rest of your associates will continue to be reduced to greasy stains in the desert - this is the only way to actually reduce the threat.

Osama's assurance sure sounds a lot like the hijackers when they told the passengers, "sit down and be quiet and everything will be ok."

While Kerry's position will be to simply sit down and be quiet, the majority of Americans are better represented by the brave passengers of Flight 93, and Osama may have inadvertently given quite a lift to the Bush campaign in the campaign's closing weekend.

While some Americans have joined you, Osama, most of us haven't forgotten you and we will take great pleasure in watching the dogs pick at your eviscerated remains when your day comes.